Jeanne and I were hanging out by her pool one night a month or so ago. At this point, her pool was insufficiently chlorinated, and frogs liked to hang out in and around it. Both being insane animal people, we were delighted to swim with the frogs, and would run around the poolside catching them when we weren't swimming. We are mentally about 10 years old. This particular night we weren't swimming, but we still played with the frogs, delighting in how squishy they are and shrieking when they jumped out of our hands. I sat in a pool chair, drinking a beer and trying to ignore the incessantly loud frog calls from the field behind her house. Then, unfortunately, my eye itched. I probably just had something on my contact, but with my 10 year-old brain I didn't think to wash my hands before rubbing. It didn't itch after that, it BURNED. I figured that I'd rubbed something between the contact and my eye, and that's why it was burning, so I ran to Jeanne's bathroom for some contact solution. I took the contact out and rinsed it, but I didn't put it back in because my eye was hurting even more without the contact. And it was tearing so much that my shirt was already starting to soak through. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought 'Uh oh.' Really. My eye was barely a slit open and was completely bloodshot. I dumped the whole bottle of solution in my eye, and it felt ok enough that I could walk back through the house to where Jeanne was. I told her it was getting a little better, but I thought we might have to go to the hospital. I was nauseous with eyepain! What a weird feeling. We stood in the kitchen, me drinking water and trying to calm down (it was really scary, how much it hurt and how much it was tearing). However, whatever good the little bottle of saline had done was wearing off and my eye was streaming again. Jeanne was telling a story about how she'd gotten drain cleaner or something crazy in her eye when she was 6, and her mom held her eye under the faucet until she was sure she'd drown, and poison control said that that was what saved her eye, she should have lost it. GOOD IDEA. So I stuck my head under the faucet for 5 minutes. If you've never had water blasting on your open eyeball, I suggest trying it. It was one of the weirdest feelings I've ever experienced. Luckily I have 'remarkable lid control' (quote from an eye doctor), and was able to hold my eye open the whole time, which is probably why it felt so weird. especially freaky is the fact that you can see the water rushing at your eye. After about 2 minutes, I tried to come out from under there, but I was still burning. After 5 minutes though, I was fine. My poor eye was so dried out and red and irritated looking, but it felt fine. James had to come pick me up because I am blind as a bat without contacts, and it would not be possible for me to drive home with one contact in.
DO NOT TOUCH A FROG AND THEN YOUR EYE.